Today was the last day of the Cervantino. It has been so much fun the past three weeks. I went to so many events (Spanish rock concerts, string quartets, outdoor plays, dance performances, etc.) that I feel incredibly cultured; also, there were so many people here every weekend, that the free entertainment was just watching all of the craziness.
During this time, however, I've also done a lot of thinking. Performance groups from all over the world came to participate in the festival. There was so much talent and every event was so impressive. I can only imagine being so accomplished in one field that it becomes your career and your job is to travel all over the world to perform. WOW.
So, naturally, I think of all the time and effort I've put into dance and music. Twelve years of my life went into dance, and I had my dreams of being a professional ballerina. I decided to major in music and have spent the past 10 years or so working on piano and violin. That is a really long time, but it's nothing in comparison to what would be necessary to make a career out of it.
I always have a hard time watching performances of dance/music/musical theater/etc. because I still wonder if I could have ever "made it." Realistically, no. I don't have that kind of talent and I don't have the self-discipline to make it my life. And here comes the problem: will I ever be able to dedicate myself to anything very seriously? Prima ballerinas and professional musicians have invested their entire lives into their discipline. But I have never been able to commit myself to one thing for any amount of time. While I was dancing, I was still involved with sports, school, music, etc. I was not happy being a music major until I also added a major in Spanish. Now that I am in Mexico learning Spanish, I'm already thinking of my next language and will probably take a German class next semester.
Why can't I focus on improving myself in one area? I don't know that I have the desire to give up my varied life and the different experiences I have (because I think that when you commit yourself to something like dance or music you sacrifice a lot of life experiences), but I also feel like I just keep jumping from one thing to the next without taking time to really excel. So it come down to this: is it better to delve deeper in one aspect of life or do tons of different things without ever really settling down? Who knows.
1 comment:
I didn't know you were a little dancer.
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